the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
