He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
