she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
