can u get pink eye on your cock?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize