Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
