He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
