I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
