My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
