Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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