Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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