He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
