Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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