How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
