When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
