i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
