is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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