there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When are your genitals available?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
