I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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