Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
