Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
