I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
