there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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