The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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