i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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