You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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