Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
