I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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