Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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