I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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