My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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