Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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