I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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