We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
