i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
