It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I want is dick and wine.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
