I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
