Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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