I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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