So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
