Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
