Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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