I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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