The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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