My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
