Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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