Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
