garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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