What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
