I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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