i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
