I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
