If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
