I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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