This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
