That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
