Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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