It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
