i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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