so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
