A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
