i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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