margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
