She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
