Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
