im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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