I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
