Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They have beer where we have blood.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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