FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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