the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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