I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
