a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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