i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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