I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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