remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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