What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
