I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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