Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
