Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize