Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
