Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
