so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
