Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
