I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They have beer where we have blood.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
