I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
