Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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