Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
