you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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