you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize