They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
