If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
