Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
