Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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