He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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