the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
